SA 4EB1 JUNE2018R

One mark for any one of the following:

• feel the wall against your face/ pressing up on

• your back

• creatures might jump in your face

• restricted space

• harness pulling tight (around thighs)

• left hand burning

• gripping rope too hard

One mark for any one of the following:

• underground

• ended in a thwack

• stopper prevents you banging into anything

• spinning in the air

• she screamed to scare others

Reward responses that demonstrate how the writer presents her

adventure activities.

Responses may include:

the use of direct speech at the beginning creates a sense of realism

the account is in the first person which helps the reader to engage with a real experience

the name of the company: ‘Black Abyss Tours’ suggests that it might be frightening

the description of the attitude of the guides: ‘reassuring’,

‘fairly confident’, and of how the writer feels ‘safe in their

hands’ suggests it is relatively risk-free

the writer’s reaction at the end of the abseil: ‘just wanted to go back and do it again’ suggests it was enjoyable

the use of sub-headings indicates the stages of the adventure and adds to the drama

the description of the zip line experience: ‘ended in a thwack’ (onomatopoeia) suggests it might be painful

this is dispelled by ‘spinning in the air’

the use of alliteration and onomatopoeia: ‘I screamed and squealed to scare’ emphasises her engagement with the activity

the pleasant description of the experience in the caves:

‘admiring the glow worms’, ‘We glided along’, ‘we’d cruised around’

the description of the final challenge: ‘water was pummelling’, ‘my legs were ridiculously tired’, ‘They were weak’, ‘finish me off’

it ends on a positive note: ‘reminisced about our awesome day’, ‘Definitely an experience to remember’.

Reward all valid points.

One mark for any one of the following:

• it was black

• it was enormous

• it seemed very stable

• it was too big

• it was too solid

• it was like a floating car park

One mark each for any two of the following:

• the rubber surface under her began to ripple

• the spray came in upon them

• the rapids were actual after all

• some dutiful thrilled noises from the other

• passengers

• some genuine noises, less thrilled

• the raft tipping into a deeper trough

• the foaming wall of water rose above them

• the raft buckled across the middle/front half

• snapped towards the back

• the people in the front row shot backwards

• the people at the back were in a heap at the

• bottom (of the V)

Reward responses that demonstrate how the writer describes what

Emma experiences.

Responses may include:

the use of a dramatic opening: ‘Emma had an extremely narrow escape’

the repetition of ‘accident’

the use of a short sentence: ‘Emma said yes at once.’ This suggests she is adventurous

the description of the raft: ‘enormous’, ‘very stable’ suggests it is safe although ‘black’ might have negative connotations

the descriptions of Emma’s feelings: ‘slightly let down’ again suggests she is adventurous

the initial description of the movement of the raft: ‘ripple’,

‘large waves of contraction’, ‘like a giant throat swallowing’ (simile) creates a vivid picture

the use of ‘like cake icing’ (simile) suggests the contrast with the reality

the description of what happens to the raft: ‘tipping down into a trough’, ‘foaming wall of water’ (alliteration), ‘buckled’, ‘snapping’, ‘like the beak of a bird closing’ (simile) suggests the violence of the accident

this is emphasised by what happens to the people in the raft: ‘shot backwards’, ‘jumbling in a heap’, ‘now submerging’

the description of what initially happens to Emma: ‘under water’, ‘flung clear’, ‘hold her breath’, ‘struggle’, ‘gasped’, ‘sucked under’

what subsequently happens to Emma: ‘Emma fought it’, ‘filled almost to bursting’, ‘collided’, ‘was bruised and scraped’ suggests the violence of the accident

the description of how she survives: ‘propelled herself’, ‘dragged herself’, ‘shoes were gone’, ‘torn off’

the description of her injuries: ‘must have been cut’, ‘lump on the side of her forehead’, ‘she didn’t notice any of this’

the description of the after-effects: ‘subsequent belief that she was invulnerable’, ‘nothing could touch her’, ‘a bubble of charmed air’ (metaphor), ‘shimmering around her like mist’ (simile)

Reward all valid points.

Responses may include the following points:

Text One

• conveys the experience as safe and planned from the start: ‘my guide’, ‘as instructed’, ‘loads of experience’, ‘did a little practice’

• details of the activities: ‘abseil down a tight gap going underground’, ‘stepping off a platform into a 40 metre drop’, ‘it was underground and ended in a thwack’, ‘the edge of a 3 metre drop into water’, ‘climb out of two waterfalls freestyle’

• captures the excitement the writer feels: ‘I decided...do it again’, ‘I screamed and squealed’, ‘I toughened up and went for it’ she conveys how the experience felt in detail: ‘pulling tight’, ‘hand was burning’, ‘walls were slippery’, ‘spinning in the air’, ‘cruised around’, ‘dived down slides’, ‘water was pummelling’

• it ends up on a positive note: ‘awesome’, ‘Definitely an experience to remember.’

General points candidates may make on the whole of Text One

• first-person account helps to engage the reader

• use of slightly informal style: ‘I was ready for action’, ‘Good enough odds for me’, ‘I…went for it’, ‘would finish me off’, ‘I made it out’ lightens the text

• the use of positive language conveys the writer’s enjoyment.

Text Two

starts off emphasising the danger: ‘an extremely narrow escape’, ‘It was a freak accident’

suggests the activity will be safe: ‘it was perfectly safe’, ‘Emma began to feel slightly let down’, ‘The raft was too big, too solid’

captures the dangers Emma faced: ‘it buckled across the middle’, ‘front half snapping towards the back’, ‘shot backwards over the heads of the rest’, ‘jumbling in a heap’

focuses on the near-death experience Emma has: ‘she was under water’, ‘struggle towards the surface’, ‘was sucked under’, ‘Emma fought it’, ‘collided’, ‘bruised and scraped’

the detail about Emma’s reactions to the accident: ‘her strong subsequent belief that she was invulnerable’, ‘nothing could touch

her’, ‘she walked in a bubble of charmed air’ it ends on a positive note.

General points candidates may make on the whole of Text Two

a fictional text

it is narrative

it includes the character’s thoughts and feelings

the contrast with the negative beginning and positive reactions at

the end

Points of comparison

Text One is enthusiastic/Text Two is frightening

Text One is informative/Text Two is narrative

Text One is a real-life personal experience/Text Two uses

description and fictional characters

Text One is about several activities /Text Two is about one activity

both texts describe thrilling activities

both texts mention individuals’ reactions to the experiences

both texts clearly convey writers’ ideas, experiences and

perspectives.

Reward all valid points.